In order to write the perfect paper, you need to take a few steps prior. First off, you must wait for a Big Bang to create a universe. Allow enough time for stars and planets to align into separate galaxies. Make sure at least one of these galaxies has at least one star that carries at least one planet that houses intelligent life. This step is absolutely crucial. If you mess this part up, throw the whole thing out and start over. Given time, light, water, food, air, and a pinch of love, life will begin to grow on the planet. If done right, it will start as cellular beings, which will grow into aquatic creatures, which will move onto the land. Don’t worry if all of the creatures don’t rise from the seas. You won’t get them all to on the first try anyway.
Once they walk the planets hard surface, your creatures will begin to evolve. Some will be big, some will be small, some hairy, some scaly, and anything in between. What you should be looking for is a species that learns how to use tools. If you see them hunting with bones, sticks, or rocks, you’re right on track. If you see a dominant species that doesn’t use tools, however, and gains too much control of the planet, you will want to send a meteorite in to wipe them out. You might kill off plenty of your other species and set yourself back a few million years, but it’s okay. Everyone makes these mistakes.
These tool using creatures will slowly rise above the rest. They will start forming tribes, using greater tools, creating spoken and written languages, teaming up to take down bigger prey, and so on. With time, they will begin to expand their territorial control and move to all but the most remote locations on the planet. By this time, your advanced species - let’s call them “humans” - will be of all colors, shapes, and sizes. They’ll develop their own cultures, languages, architecture, and some may begin worshiping the star they circle as some kind of deity. This is normal. Some of these human sects will develop slightly faster than others, creating more advanced technology than their brethren, whose existences have become unknown to them. The reasoning for this has yet to be explained properly, though further books in this series have more research on the subject.
With these advancements in their technology and sciences, they may begin to ponder what makes the universe you created tick. They won’t figure it out exactly, but it’s often amusing to watch them try. Some individuals will be heralded with their discoveries, and others will be called heretics. Don’t interfere; these problems always work themselves out in the end. Also, don’t be surprised if some bloke begins claiming that he’s your son and was sent to absolve them of “sin”, or whatever term they use. He’s just having a bit of fun, so pay him no mind either.
Further down the road, the once separate colonies of your humans will start venturing across the world you made and find each other once again. Sometimes they will be friendly to one another, other times they will murder and rape each other in the most gruesome manners imaginable. This, too, is completely normal and should be ignored. With knowledge of the existence of these other “races”, as they will call them, your humans may begin warring with one another. It could be for land, power, resources, or plenty of other excuses they can come up with. When these conflicts arise, simply sit back and watch. But no matter what they ask of you, never intervene. They’re not worth it.
As time progresses, the world itself begins to evolve in more ways than ever. Travel across the world takes a few short hours, and communication of the same distance takes minutes. Races of your humans will have managed to set aside differences and live in peace, in some areas. Others, they still continue to murder and rape each other. Disgusting, I know, but it’s normal and should be ignored. Buildings will be put up for the purposes of healing the sick, feeding the needy, and educating the young. In the latter of these buildings, humans will be made to write papers on assorted subjects. All they must do is come up with a fine topic, research it extensively, use proper grammar and spelling, use a wide vocabulary, and they’ll have written a perfect paper. See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?
Side note: If your humans become infected with some sort of disease and begin eating each other and spreading the disease until they are almost entirely extinct, this, too, is completely normal and should be ignored as well.
